Tag Archives: Wife after God

Ordinary is Good

I follow quite a few lifestyle, health and fashion bloggers on social media.  I do that because I love to be inspired and see what they come up with in terms of their content.  I like to learn from those who are running their online businesses well and providing value to those who follow them. As a woman with two online businesses, it is important for me to constantly be learning how I can provide the best value and the greatest content to those who choose to be a part of my online community and share with them what I have to offer.

But, if I can be honest with you, sometimes, I feel that sting of comparison.

I don’t have an extravagant budget to work with in terms of my closet, my photos, my travels.  My home isn’t the most beautiful and it isn’t often photographed to show off it’s amazing décor.

We don’t travel to all of these amazing places, like these influencers do.  I am a homebody. I love being at home.  I love relaxing at home with my family and watching a movie. If we do go anywhere, it is usually for family events/holidays/annual vacations or I am attending an annual work conference.

Or our weekly outing at church.

When I get down on myself about how I don’t have a big enough audience, or my photos aren’t glamorous enough, or I don’t attract enough likes, or I don’t travel to amazing places….it is then I need to be reminded by God why He has me doing what I am doing. What my most important role right now is.

“Please hear me, Girl: The world has enough who know how to do their hair. It needs women who know how to do hard and holy things.” Ann Voskamp

Hard and holy things. And perhaps, even a little ordinary.

It is hard to raise two human beings to love the Lord, and to serve Him and to follow Him all the days of their lives. Because as we know as parents, they will grow up with wings and minds of their own, and they may choose a way that breaks your mama heart.  I look at those two faces in that picture above and my heart aches.  I long so much for them to avoid the mistakes I made as a girl, but while I can guide and direct, someday I will have to let them make their choices.

The ordinary work of being a wife to my husband.  To support him, no matter how frustrated I may be with him. Whether in good times or hard times, being his partner and helpmate is vital and important and hard and holy. Our world glamorizes romance, the wedding and lust.  It does not value marriage and the hard and holy work that it is.

The ordinary is good.  I remember smiling on a late Thursday night, after my son’s final baseball game of the Fall season.  He was devastated because they lost and therefore they were eliminated from the tournament.  So my husband wanted to cheer him up with a dude hangout and grab some baseball cards.  We didn’t have hundreds of dollars to spend, but we had $30.  We didn’t travel to the World Series or even to Los Angeles to somewhere glamorous in order make our son smile.

It was at an ordinary Target in our hometown.  Then we went back to our ordinary home, on our ordinary couch, in our ordinary living room (that will never be featured in a magazine) and just spent time together.

I smiled because it was one of the best evenings.  It was simple.  My son was happy and he was now excited for baseball again in the Spring.

While I love reading my favorite blogs and seeing all those beautiful photos on social media, and as much as they inspire me to better myself as a business woman, I have to keep it in perspective that my ordinary life is good. It is good because God made it good.

He gave me a wonderful husband.  An amazing little home to take care of. Two awesome children who keep us busy and entertained and who love us and want to hang out with us.

I don’t need thousands of likes on a post to show I have influence. I use the words God gives me and the lessons He teaches me to share with all of you, in hopes that my humble attempts lead you closer to Him.

God is teaching me that there is nothing wrong with having a beautifully crafted Instagram page.  But, we must be willing to share the hard and the holy, and even the ordinary, because that is where most of us lie.

Most of us are not living these glamorous lives that we see plastered all over the blogospheres.  We are deep down in the dirt of the every day.  We are traveling to and from work or school, trying to get dinner on the table or make it to a practice or recital on time.

We are changing diapers or kissing our children goodbye as they head off to college.

We go to grocery stores that offer us the most bang for our buck so that we can feed our families well, and if it is organic and healthy, heck, it feels like a win.  We do our best with what we have.

We don’t always get to dress up.  Most of us live in active wear or leggings.

We read books on how we can be better mothers. Less angry wives.  Better listeners. Better leaders. Be less busy and more present. On how to choose joy. How to share the gospel with a friend.  All ordinary things, but good.

So Sister Friend, if you are looking at your Instagram page and feeling like you are too ordinary to make a difference, can I tell you that you are? That there is a fellow gal looking at your feed right now and thankful that your ordinary heart shared something extraordinary in her and encouraged her in some way.

As much as I would love to have a beautiful insta page, I am thankful for the ordinary photos, because they are evidence of God’s work in my life.

Tiffany

13 Years…..

Thirteen years of marriage today.  I was 23 and Dan had just celebrated his 26th birthday earlier that month.

We were young and in love and so ready to take that next step into our forever.  This photo captures a funny moment during our vows when Dan was reciting his portion and he repeated the vows “for richer or poorer” and he said:

“For richer and much much poorer.”

Ha!!! And our pastor laughed and told him “You can’t get much poorer than you are now!”

I think, in the course of 13 years, we have learned a lot during our time in our marriage.

13 years of constantly growing.

13 years of saying I am sorry.

13 years of I love you.

13 years of extending grace to one another when disappointments or failed expectations are evident.

13 years of constantly learning how to love one another in our love language (I am acts of service and words of affirmation. Dan is physical touch and gifts..and we still get these wrong!!!!)

We have seen extreme valleys and hardships. We have experienced incredible blessing on mountaintops. God has gifted us with two incredible human beings that we love to death and would do anything for.

We have had to learn, over and over again, to fight for each other, because no one else will.  No one outside of our marriage will fight for us.

That doesn’t mean they don’t love us. Others want good for us.

But when the hard times have come on us, we have had to learn how to lay down our weapons and not fight against each other, as though we were one opposing teams.

We fight side by side. We carry each other’s burdens. We go through hard times together.

And we celebrate in victory together.  Because of the ONE who has bonded us together.

We are going through a valley right now, but I know the end is on the other side.

And even if it is not, He is still good.

And I will still have him by my side.

Happy anniversary to my love.

Tiffany

Some Words Don’t Need to be Repeated

My husband and I are very different in how we respond to criticism and doubt in regards to our dreams and abilities.

I am completely stubborn. I don’t respond to the words “You Can’t” very easily. I don’t like hearing about how limited I am in my education, abilities, or resources.

I respond 95% of the time with the attitude of watch me. I will literally stare you in the face as you tell me I can’t do something, and smile at you.

That sounds passive aggressive, I know, and I don’t mean for it to be. It is just that those hurtful and critical words are used as fuel for me.

Not so for my husband.

He is far more sensitive than I. He chooses words carefully. When he was younger, he had a learning disability and struggled in school. He had a high school counselor tell him that he probably wouldn’t excel in college. (Between you and me, that absolutely ticks me off and I would so have words with her.) Those words wounded him. So much so that he figured he would just go into the military.

And then my husband became a pastor. A kid who struggled to read and hated speaking up in class, would speak on stage week after week to college age kids and services at church. And he was amazing at it.

Today, I realized again how different we are in how we respond to those who doubt our abilities.

I repeated something that I shouldn’t have to him. Not that I was supposed to keep it a secret. Someone expressed their doubts about his ability to do something, and me, being offended for him and having my “We’ll show you attitude” I repeated the words and declared that this will only fuel us.

Only, it didn’t fuel him.

It broke him.

I started to walk away confident and determined, and instead, I watched my strong, handsome, and compassionate husband begin to cry.

Have you ever seen a man cry? It is the most heartbreaking thing in the world.

His spirit was broken because I chose to repeat something that really shouldn’t have been repeated. He did not respond the way I do to hurtful criticism.

It breaks his spirit instead.

And that breaks my heart.

I absolutely believe God made me a strong woman, especially mentally. My stubbornness that many take as a weakness, can used for good.

God made my husband a tender warrior. He listens far better than I do, and he is far more compassionate than I am.

He is a far better leader than I am.

I felt so bad for the words I repeated. Even though they were not what I thought were the truth, I was offended for him, my repeating them was just as hurtful. I have to own that part.

Ladies, we are so different from our spouses. We have to remember that just because someone else says it, does not mean we need to repeat it.

Let’s use our words when talking to our husband’s to encourage and uplift. Some things don’t need to be repeated. If others don’t believe in your spouse, please don’t add to the noise. Fight for him. Edify with your words. Show him love and support by actively serving him and meeting his needs. Be selfless, not selfish.

It was a hard, but good lesson for me today as to how different Dan and I are. But it is good that we are a little different. The more we mess up together, the more we can see what each other really needs.

Be a Size You,

Tiffany

Self Care is Not Just For Fitness

You have probably heard that word, self care, a whole lot. Usually, it goes along with someone who is inviting you to join them on a journey towards being healthier and being more fit.

That is definitely part of it! A healthy body is part of the whole self care movement, but that is not the only piece! There are so many ways we busy mamas can take care of ourselves so that we can pour into those we love and give ourselves to the ministries and passions we are focused on.

Here are some of my favorite ways to get in a little me time:

*Getting my hair/nails done
*Massage
*Facials
*shopping (Did you see my last blog post?)
*Night out with the girls
*Reading an uplifting book
*Learning a new skill
*Soothing music
*Bath time and using my favorite essential oils/natural skin care products
*Going to the beach or any place that has water
*Hiking or fun outdoor activity with girlfriends
*Study a new topic
*Exercise
*Try a new healthy food restaurant
*Test out a new recipe or bake something yummy
*Blogging/writing
*Being creative and putting together pretty outfits for myself, friends, and family.
*Singing, by myself, out loud in my home.
*Taking a nap! (Do it!)

As you can see, there are so many ways to fill your tank. We give a ton to those around us. If you are a mama, you probably feel like you are constantly running on empty.

But, it is hard to pour into others if you yourself are running on empty. It really is.

Fill your tank, then let that overflow into others.

We are such a busy society! Who the heck told us that in order to be great or worth anything, we had to run ourselves ragged? Who said busier was better?

Who said being a wife and mom was an act of a martyr? Um no.

There are sacrifices, yes. Obviously. But being a wife and a mom isn't a prison sentence. It isn't horrible. Let's knock that off.

Let's take care of ourselves and do things that bring us beauty, joy, pleasure, and then let's bring those very things to those we love.

What are your favorite ways to practice self care?

Be a Size You,

Tiff

I’m Feeling 35

Image via Google images
Image via Google images

Today is my birthday!!!!  To be honest, I never really thought about what it would feel like to turn 35 years old.  Haha! It seemed like such a far away age when I was younger.

But here it is! And it is glorious.

I can honestly say that I feel more amazing at 35 than I did when I was 25.  I feel more confident in who I am as a woman of Christ, as a wife, as a mother, as a business woman, as a friend.

I could go on and on about how good being in my 30’s have felt. I know some women dread it.  Some decades are harder for others. I have no idea how I will feel in my 40’s and 50’s and beyond.

But I am going to embrace how good I feel now.  It just feels good to feel good in your skin and enjoy life. I know there are a lot of my fellow gal pals who will agree!

It feels good to feel good!

What was your favorite age and why? I would love to hear what God taught you during that time of your life!

Be a Size You,

Tiffany