My husband and I are very different in how we respond to criticism and doubt in regards to our dreams and abilities.
I am completely stubborn. I don’t respond to the words “You Can’t” very easily. I don’t like hearing about how limited I am in my education, abilities, or resources.
I respond 95% of the time with the attitude of watch me. I will literally stare you in the face as you tell me I can’t do something, and smile at you.
That sounds passive aggressive, I know, and I don’t mean for it to be. It is just that those hurtful and critical words are used as fuel for me.
Not so for my husband.
He is far more sensitive than I. He chooses words carefully. When he was younger, he had a learning disability and struggled in school. He had a high school counselor tell him that he probably wouldn’t excel in college. (Between you and me, that absolutely ticks me off and I would so have words with her.) Those words wounded him. So much so that he figured he would just go into the military.
And then my husband became a pastor. A kid who struggled to read and hated speaking up in class, would speak on stage week after week to college age kids and services at church. And he was amazing at it.
Today, I realized again how different we are in how we respond to those who doubt our abilities.
I repeated something that I shouldn’t have to him. Not that I was supposed to keep it a secret. Someone expressed their doubts about his ability to do something, and me, being offended for him and having my “We’ll show you attitude” I repeated the words and declared that this will only fuel us.
Only, it didn’t fuel him.
It broke him.
I started to walk away confident and determined, and instead, I watched my strong, handsome, and compassionate husband begin to cry.
Have you ever seen a man cry? It is the most heartbreaking thing in the world.
His spirit was broken because I chose to repeat something that really shouldn’t have been repeated. He did not respond the way I do to hurtful criticism.
It breaks his spirit instead.
And that breaks my heart.
I absolutely believe God made me a strong woman, especially mentally. My stubbornness that many take as a weakness, can used for good.
God made my husband a tender warrior. He listens far better than I do, and he is far more compassionate than I am.
He is a far better leader than I am.
I felt so bad for the words I repeated. Even though they were not what I thought were the truth, I was offended for him, my repeating them was just as hurtful. I have to own that part.
Ladies, we are so different from our spouses. We have to remember that just because someone else says it, does not mean we need to repeat it.
Let’s use our words when talking to our husband’s to encourage and uplift. Some things don’t need to be repeated. If others don’t believe in your spouse, please don’t add to the noise. Fight for him. Edify with your words. Show him love and support by actively serving him and meeting his needs. Be selfless, not selfish.
It was a hard, but good lesson for me today as to how different Dan and I are. But it is good that we are a little different. The more we mess up together, the more we can see what each other really needs.
Be a Size You,